Mark’s Kaddy Korner

“If the light stays on for more than 4 hours, call your erectrician.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The best line I’ve heard on the Tiger saga…..

I promise you, if he had 19 majors, you might never see him again. Now he’s got to ask himself if the juice is worth the squeeze.” – Pat Perez, on Tiger Woods.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

You can buy balls in the pro shop. I don’t think you’ll find another arm close by!!!

Can’t believe he took the whole arm!!!!

 

Good thing his Momma didn’t make him chew every bite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow!!!!!!  What a day at the course!!! I usually pull weeds and pins not arms from gator’ gut.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

New Tiger Video Game - try to stop the mistresses before they get to the press. It’s quite fun, addicting, and very chauvinistic. Click on the site below: 

 

>

Over the years people have sent me, and I’ve collected, a batch of stupid stuff people do on the golf course.

I thought maybe you would like to see the dark side of golf. Some of the videos, pictures, and stories may be a bit risque so be warned before you click on a link.

Enjoy if you like, comment if you want, and pass on a few laughs to your friends.

Ernie Els On Tiger a Few Years Back

Ultimate Peer Respect . . ..

“People have accused me of being so far up Tiger’s arse that he can barely make a full swing, but I maintain that he is a special person. There’s no one else on the planet who can do what he does or even thinks of doing what he does. I’ve often thought, instead of showing Tiger’s reaction to a shot he’s hit, we really should show the reaction of those around him.”

But here is the next best thing. “I’m walking down the 18th fairway at Firestone Country Club with Ernie Els and Tiger, who has popped up a three-wood about 40 yards behind Ernie into some wet, nasty, horrible, six-inch rough,” Feherty says.

“Tiger’s cursing and taking clumps out of Ohio with his three-wood. And, of course, we’re not showing this on TV because we want to be able to interview him later. Ernie and I walk past Tiger’s ball, and it is truly buried.

“Ernie is tied with Tiger and he’s in the middle of the fairway. I’m standing with Ernie and my microphone is open. Ken Venturi [in the CBS booth] sends it to me and I say, ‘Tiger’s got 184 yards with two big red oaks overhanging the green. He’s got absolutely nothing. With a stick of dynamite and a sand wedge I might be able to move this ball 50 yards.

Steve Williams [Woods' caddie] tells me [with a hand signal] that he’s using a pitching wedge.’ “Tiger takes his swing. Every muscle in his body is flung at the ball. It looks like he’s torn his nutsack. The divot went as far as I could hit the ball. I’ve got my microphone at my mouth thinking, what the hell was that!

The ball sails over the trees, lands behind the hole and backs up to about six feet from the flag.

I open my microphone and Ernie turns and says, ‘Fuck me!’

“My producer comes on in my earpiece and says, ‘Was that Ernie?’ I say yes. He says, ‘Fair enough.’

“I could have described that shot for 15 minutes and not done as good a job as Ernie did with two words. This is the second best player in the world talking, and you wanna know how good Tiger is?

Ask Ernie Els.”

***************************************************************************

Someone actually sat at the nineteenth hole and drew this up. I really need to find Ed Snead and Dan Jenkins “Ten Stages of Drunk Napkin” — now that’s a classic!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ten Stages of Drunk by Dan Jenkins and Ed Snead

Okay, I found it in a neat, concise text, but Ed Snead swears this was written down on a bar napkin in a Hawaiian bar. Both claim to have achieved level 10 and Ed once left a party with a woman in the clairvoyant stage. Who knows, but only professionals could come up with this list. We all know and recognize individuals at their different stages of drunk.

In the book “Baja Oklahoma”, Jenkins has given us a new scale
relating to the levels of drunkenness as they occur in mankind (and
womankind).?

“Mankind’s Ten Stages of Drunkenness”

0). A Zero is sober
1). Witty and Charming
2). Rich and Powerful
3). Benevolent
4). Clairvoyant
5). F**k Dinner
6). Patriotic
7). Crank Up the Enola Gay
8). Witty and Charming, Part II
9). Invisible
10). Bulletproof